Chickens, that was just the beginning.
And now that we’ve started down this rich-people-will-put-anything-on-their-faces road, I feel more or less honor-bound to tell you that Mom Logic rounded up some other choice options, like NYC’s Townhouse Spa‘s Baby Face Treatment, which contains spermine, an antioxidant present in our “skin, liver, and yes, seminal fluid,” according to Townhouse Spa’s official description of the 75-minute, $250 facial. Just so we’re all on the same page here: Seminal fluid is the $250 way of saying semen. Because sometimes the facial jokes write themselves.
The list also includes TNS Recovery Complex by Skin Medica, a product line that retails for $150. MomLogic reported that it contains “foreskin from a circumcised baby.” I called the company to check on this one and was referred to publicist Stephanie Boccuzza. Stephanie emailed me that TNS stands for “Tissue Nutrient Solution,” and that this line is the “only in the world containing a professional concentration of patented NouriCel-MD.® NouriCel-MD® is a proprietary cocktail of growth factors, soluble collagen, matrix proteins, anti-oxidants and other elements essential to diminish the visible signs of aging WITHOUT IRRITATION.” (Emphasis hers. I hadn’t actually asked.)
Okay, but do they have baby parts? Despite the acronym, Stephanie says TNS Recovery Complex “does not contain any human tissue at all.” So that’s one more urban legend we can help keep in check, though I do have questions about these mystery “growth factors,” since they sound suspiciously like hormone-based ingredients to me. And we generally don’t like hormones on our face for the same reason we avoid them in our milk. (Everyone see the Nicholas Kristof op-ed about how estrogenic chemicals contribute to cancer risk on Sunday? Well, okay, good then.)
In related news, a Glamour beauty editor is “feeling traumatized” because she just discovered that her most beloved skin cream contains an ingredient derived from an aborted human fetus. Oh dear. Right-to-Lifers are in a commenting frenzy. I’m pro-choice, but when we talk about exercising your right to choose, we don’t mean “choosing so the beauty industrial complex can profit off one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever face.”
So dear readers, please tell me what I’m missing here. It seems so patently obvious that we don’t want these things in our beauty products — and yet, the high-end skin care market is swamped with this kind of stuff. Is it some kind of holdover from the pre-downturn days of hedonistic yuppie excess? Does anyone want to make a case for this being an extension of the growing natural beauty products market and a wise rejection of cheap synthetic products? (Oh, except for that pesky potential breast cancer thing. Dang.)
PS. For those of you still considering the afterbirth experience, here’s a quick product review from Bella Sugar. (Hint: It is not a rave.)