[Fun With Press Releases] Rankled by Cankles.

Fun With Press Releases: Because sometimes, the beauty industry just goofs.

Really, I should just post this and not write one word about The Wonder that is this press release. This canvas doesn’t need any more paint. It feels sacrilegious. We should just read and silently bask in the perfection of it all.

So here (and, you’re welcome):

From: XXXXX
Sent: Wed, April 21, 2010 3:29:32 PM
Subject: Story Idea: Rankled By Cankles

Hi Virginia,

The newest body part worth stressing over is the ankles…well, “cankles” to be exact.

Cankle – a word derived from the combination of ‘calf’ and ‘ankle’ – occurs when the calf merges with an obese or swollen ankle, and is claimed to be the “thunder thigh” of the new millennium.  Many women struggle with excess leg and ankle fat and no amount of diet or exercise make a real difference. The popularity of gladiator-style sandals and cropped leggings this summer has only added to the nationwide cankle anxiety.

For those who have had enough of the emotional distress, there is a now a new treatment called XXXXX, a novel laser assisted lipolysis technology that shapes and contours the body, including the lower leg and ankle area.
XXXX uses ultrasound technology, which is has the ability to differentiate between fat cells and important tissue. The breakthrough science means more precise contouring and a gentler effect on surrounding skin tissue, which results in faster recovery time, less risk of patient complications and the appearance of tighter and smoother looking skin. Check out XXXXX for more information.

We have partnered with several top physicians in the area and would love to work with you to showcase the treatment – and we can bring the equipment and expert (and patient) to you!

If you would like any additional information or to contact a physician, please email me or call XXX.XXX.XXXX.

Best,
XXXX

Okay, I know, I know, but I just can’t help myself!

Top three reasons why I love this press release:

1. The quasi-scientific explanation of the word cankle. “It’s claimed” to be the thunder thigh of the new millennium. By, we can only presume, scholars and men of record the world over.

2. The reference to gladiator sandals that makes me want to party like it’s still 2008.

3. NATIONWIDE CANKLE ANXIETY.

Now. Back to the silent* shock and awe.

*That’s just how I appreciate fine art. You should feel free to rail away.

Filed under Beauty Standards, Fun with Press Releases

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4 Comments

3 Comments

  1. Mattie
    Posted April 26, 2010 at 6:21 am | Permalink

    My favorite part: the technology’s “ability to differentiate between fat cells and important tissue.”

    Because we all know how totally unimportant fat is to our bodies.

  2. Chandler
    Posted April 26, 2010 at 12:30 pm | Permalink

    For some reason I have a mental image of these “experts” light-sabering off some poor woman’s feet, then exclaiming triumphantly, “See? NO MORE CANKLES.”

  3. Posted April 26, 2010 at 8:53 pm | Permalink

    Ah yes, the good ol’ cankle is back as a body shame trend. Last week I saw several queries on HARO with journalists looking to interview cankle sources (ponder that for a moment). Looks like this pitch got a few bites. Le Sigh.

    And from a PR POV, that was a really really stupid pitch to send to Beauty Schooled, of all blogs! Fourth hour Today Show I can see. I imagine Kathy Lee and Hoda could sympathize with cankle anxiety.

    Keep it up, Virginia! Love what you are doing.

One Trackback

  1. By Money Clips (4.30) « Her Two Cents on April 30, 2010 at 11:22 pm

    [...] Rankled by Cankles? “Cankle – a word derived from the combination of ‘calf’ and ‘ankle’ – occurs when the calf merges with an obese or swollen ankle, and is claimed to be the ‘thunder thigh’ of the new millennium.” Best. Press release. Ever. From Beauty Schooled. [...]

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