Miss Jenny, Queen of the Brazilians

My 600-hour adventure learning to apply makeup, excavate pores, and wax, well, see below. (Learn more about the project and catch up with Orientation and the rest of Week 1.)


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Vanity Fair writer Christopher Hitchens gets a Brazilian, describes it as “like being tortured for information you do not possess.” (No, neither of those women are Miss Jenny.)

Whenever Miss Jenny is particularly pleased with the way your makeup is turning out, she says “ooh” and does a little twirl, pirouette-ing you in the revolving salon chair so the whole class can see your flirty lashes or nicely contoured cheek. This is because Miss Jenny loves her work — after nearly 20 years in an office job, she went to esthetics school when she was in her mid-30s and has never looked back, even when waking up at 6 AM on a Sunday to make up a bride for a morning wedding.

Here are some other things you need to know about Miss Jenny:

1. She does not allow profanity or gum chewing in her classroom. “We will all speak like the nice respectable ladies that we are.”

2. She speaks to the Lord every day before she begins work.

3. She tell us, proudly and right off the bat, “I am the Brazilian Queen.”

We’re months off from the waxing unit, but Miss Jenny lets us know now that a few weeks before we get there, everyone will have to start growing out all of our body hair so we can practice on each other. “And I do mean all of it!”

Technically, the Brazilian Wax is considered a Continuing Education topic — the state board exam only requires you to know eyebrow, lip, and arm waxing. (And you perform those services with honey, not actual wax, during the test.) But Miss Jenny is committed to giving us the most comprehensive and well-rounded education that she can. “I started teaching because I love what I do so much and I wanted to share that love,” she says.

I bring this up because Brazilians have been the talk of the blogosphere this week, thanks to Suzi Godson’s column in the British Times Online, where she tells one hairy reader that “like keeping one’s armpits and legs smooth, [a Brazilian wax] is now expected. If your boyfriend has been conditioned to expect a tidy Brazilian, he may genuinely find anything else very off-putting.” It’s all thanks to the porn industry, says Suzi, in her best boys-will-be-boys sigh.

“Wax for your poor, porn-addled boyfriend” may be the new “lie back and think of England,” but some of us aren’t convinced. “Huge sisterhood fail, ladies,” says Allure‘s Kate Sullivan.* Yes, indeed, and thank you. Salon’s Broadsheet has some good points too.

I have to spend 24 of my 600 hours on “superfluous hair” and will be asked to perform 10 bikini waxes before I graduate, so this is but the beginning of the waxing conversation here on Beauty Schooled. And at the moment I have to go sandblast off the ten pounds of foundation involved in tonight’s Daytime Face practice run. But let’s get the party started — where do you fall on the bush-to-Brazilian spectrum?

“Enjoy your hairless selves now, ladies,” says Miss Jenny as we pack up at the end of the night. It would not be overstating it to describe her ensuing giggle as devilish. “We’re going to get to know each other very well before you leave Beauty U.”

*Yep, that Allure, the monster beauty bible magazine. Remember that the next time you rant about women’s mags, what with their celebrity airbrushing and fad diets. (And by “you,” I mean “me.”)

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7 Comments

4 Comments

  1. Meghan
    Posted November 15, 2009 at 6:51 pm | Permalink

    Honestly, brazilian’s scare the crap out of me. A nice normal bikini wax is all I have the heart for. Maybe someday when I start wearing brazilian thong bikini’s it will be time for the full wax (so that would be never). I love my boyfriend, sure, but there is a limit to how much pain and embarrassment I can go through for something only he will see.

  2. Posted November 16, 2009 at 5:41 pm | Permalink

    You sing it sister! I’m totally with you Meghan.

    Apart from the complete abject humiliation, why should we be ashamed of something as normal as pubic hair. There is no way a man would ever put himself through so much pain in that area (except for Christopher Hitchens who did it for work!)

  3. Anne
    Posted November 16, 2009 at 5:50 pm | Permalink

    I am recovering from the effects of chemotherapy and I am happily growing back my hair, including where the sun don’t shine! I pluck my brows, shave the pits and legs but Brazil can kiss my beautiful hairy … you know what! I’m loving your blog.

    • Sara
      Posted December 5, 2009 at 8:42 am | Permalink

      So many men, including the main character in Glee, pronounce that they love the “natural look.” I hope that also applies to down there. I find myself paying much less attention to keeping that up during the cold months. I like it and hope that my boyfriend does too. He does say he likes the natural look. I’ve heard no complaints thus far.

3 Trackbacks

  1. [...] paraffin is warm and toasty and turns your skin to butter. (Oh, and unlike the wax used on your bikini line, hot paraffin wax doesn’t stick to your skin. It just cools down to a Playdoh-like texture [...]

  2. By Miss Jenny quits. « Beauty Schooled on March 4, 2010 at 7:07 am

    [...] beloved Miss Jenny — the Brazilian Queen, with her straight talk on body parts and refreshingly honest sales tactics — has clocked her [...]

  3. [...] beloved Miss Jenny — the Brazilian Queen, with her straight talk on body parts and refreshingly honest sales tactics — has clocked her [...]

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